


You’re So Fucking Special

by buttsekso



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, Baekhyun - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Chanyeol - Freeform, Denial, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Smut, Violence, otp, self degradation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:58:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16963083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttsekso/pseuds/buttsekso
Summary: Park Chanyeol never loved himself, but Byun Baekhyun did. He will always do.__________"That's just impossible.""Chanyeol.""Do you really think someone like me, a creep, a fucking weirdo, is possible to be loved by someone like you?""Do not say that, Yeol...""Do you even really think I deserve to be loved? Feel loved? No. I don't. Especially by you.""Stop.""I don't fucking deserve you. You are too amazing for me. Too kind. Too wonderful. Too bright. While I, I am too 'nothing' in this world for you. I am such mean person, such a burden, such a pain in the ass. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone better—""Chanyeol!"Staring at his flushed face from crying, I can't help but to feel broken inside as well. He has his hands covering his ears, not wanting to hear anymore from me.His loud sobs are accompanying the twitching ache in my heart.Can't stand seeing him this way, I took him in my arms, letting his tears soak my shirt. I brushed his hair with my fingers gingerly, and he is quick to lean in to the touch.As I continued to touch his hair, I told him softly, "Stop imagining feelings, Baekhyun. You are not in love with me."





	1. Chapter 1

I AM MY SELF'S SICKNESS, my Father once told me.

Couldn't disagree, or I could have paid the price of "speaking myself". Therefore, at that moment, I resorted to what I am used to doing: keeping my mouth shut.

He only told me that once, about four years ago. However, I always thought about it, until now. And I came to a realization that the longer I do, the longer I consider it actually true.

I've always paid the price, and it is just lately when it dawned to me that it satisfies me. I am liking it. Paying the price... of nothing.

I am pretty sure I deserved it.

I always know I do.

It's out of control.

Holding an eye contact with the reflection of a creep on the large mirror before me, I saw him touched his fresh bruises painted in a terribly ugly manner on his neck, tracing it up to his face, then pressing hard on a certain, slightly bleeding spot a bit later on.

I winced a little, unhanding my face. I chuckled bitterly, knowing how pathetic I am. Ripping away my attention from the mirror, I walked over to my closet and wore my school uniform. I slipped on one of the thickest jackets I have in my closet, put on my everyday sneakers and swung my backpack on my shoulder. Before I leave my room, I snatched my black face mask and cap from the hook just beside my door frame. I can never forget these stuffs.

When I reached downstairs, I saw my Father sleeping on the kitchen counter, as usual, he is drunk. Shardd of liquor bottles scattered on the floor.

I sighed heavily and cleaned his mess before leaving the house silently.

Walking at the hallway, I could just feel all the stares the students are giving me. I gulped and kept my gaze trained on my shoes, lowering my cap's bill to cover my face better, walking even faster.

My pace is fast, but the speed didn't excuse me in seeing familiar cliques along the way.

Going to school, they say, makes you want to have more friends. But why don't I feel like I want to have one?

After losing a friend in fifth grade I had been friends with for almost twelve years, I did not want to have one anymore. From middle school until now that I am in my twelfth grade, I am... friendless.

But I am all fine. Finer, actually.

I don't have to deal with the fucking dramas all friendship comes with.

"What are you staring at, weirdo?"

One of them called me, and I didn't know I stopped walking to stare at their circle longer. What am I doing?

The grip on the straps of my bag tightened. I only shook my head without looking straight in the eye of the petite boy and proceeded to climb upstairs.

Entering the classroom still empty is not a new scene to me, for I come to school early to avoid the attention of being a latecomer. I hate receiving attention a lot.

I sat on my seat which is located at the very back of the room and planted my face on my arms laid over the desk, wanting to get some sleep before the room gets filled with noisy and careless students. I closed my eyes.

 _"Butterfly, like a butterfly..._ "

It's not even long when I fluttered my eyes open again because of the voice that echoed in the empty corridors.

That was beautiful. It was just a few words but it was so beautiful.

Thinking that the owner of the voice is probably still hanging around the corridors, I hurried outside, but found no one. I stared void at the silent corridors, then sighed. I realized I was unconsciously holding my breath.

Voices.

I get easily drawn by the beautiful ones. I have judged a lot of voices, and my Mother's was my favourite.

After her's... was my Father's.

Only, I haven't heard his voice, that voice of his I once called honey, for a very long time. He has always spoke so roughly to me, after that one accident.

Shaking my head, I pivoted my heel to go back inside the classroom when the same, sweet voice earlier came to my earshot, singing the same lyrics over and over again. I paused and waited for the voice to be clearer.

" _Butterfly_..."

Come closer.

" _Like a butterfly..."_

Closer.

" _My butterfly... My love..."_

It took me a heartbeat before I see the owner of the voice appearing from a corner, almost dancing gracefully as he sang the song in the same manner. He is not too far from my spot, and I can definitely see the kind face as the boy smiles like that of a carefree child, eyes even looked like it's sparkling. The light from the morning sun made him glow and created shadows beside him as he continued his thing in his own world.

For a moment, I felt like I am watching... an angel.

I feel petrified.

" _Butterfly_ —" he stops singing midway when he saw me. His smile fading for a few seconds before coming back to life. He ran towards me, his brown hair bouncing in the air. I did not know what to do so I remained frozen on my spot. "Hello," he greets as he bowed politely soon as he reached me. "My name is Byun Baekhyun, and I am a new student here," he spoke gingerly. I don't know what to say. I am just staring blankly at his face. "Uh, I feel kind of lost... I don't have someone to give me a tour around the campus since I haven't made friends with anyone yet... May I know your name? So that we can be friends..." he giggled and it was adorable to my ears.

I am still dumbfounded at the etherealness of his features in a closer view and I went even more dumbfounded when he asked that.

Just like earlier, I am clueless of what should I do, or say. However, unlike earlier, I finally did something.

"H-Hey!" I heard him yell as I ran down the stairs to somewhere far from him. I only stopped when I reached the back of the second building.

I pulled my face mask down and panted, leaning my back on the dirtied wall.  I think I'm going to die. My heart is beating so loud, and so fast.

Clenching my eyes shut, I lifted my baseball cap briefly to push my hair back with my hand. I recollected myself before returning to the classroom sneakily. Good thing he's nowhere to be seen now. What a relief.

As I tried to drift to sleep, I only remembered his name.

"Byun... Baekhyun," I muttered, then heaved a sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

EVERYONE in the room started packing up their things when the bell rang, indicating it is already lunch break. The teacher had not even dismissed the class yet, and her glare is burning everyone, except me. I remained unmoving on my seat. I do not have to do the same thing, I already fixed mine thirty minutes ago.

My classmates sat back on their chairs in stark silence when they finally caught Mrs. Ko's stabbing glower.

"I didn't know disrespectful actually spelt Class 2A!" she stated in incredulity, breaking the ice. "Am right, aren't I?" asked Mrs. Ko, eyes enlarging as she pried her eyes upon everyone, looking a lot like she is about to burst. The diameter of her eyes widened even more when no reply came to her. "Respect!"

Minutes later, after her long sermon about "respect" and getting back at us (because of course, one affects everyone — everyone affects one, rather, in my case) with a pair project, she finally bid us good bye. The room is quick to be emptied, as if the cafeteria will ran out of food in four seconds, leaving me completely alone inside.

I thought about the pair project. Just like how it used to be, I get to be partnered with no one but myself. Not like I am complaining. I do better without them. I function well without their help. Without anyone, actually. I'm just meant to do all things alone, I guess.

Howbeit, I am very much aware that to my classmates, I am an air — invisible, even. I have been treating them the same for the whole six years of us being classmates. Never joined any parties, section trips, and whatnots everyone in the class participated — I was the black sheep of Class 2A. It won't be a shocker anymore if one day in the future, I am told that no one knew my name.

But who am I even? I'm just no one. Just... a creep. A weirdo. Gross. Nothing much.

Thoughts of mine are cut off when I realized I am already walking outside the building, heading to the secluded garden I always went to at lunch, and most of all, almost injuring myself because of the lamp post I could've bumped into — if it's not for the soft palm that blocked my forehead from the hard impact of it.

I clenched my eyes shut.

"Did you find a rope or lost your horse?"

Flinching at the sound, my eyes cracked open. I unconsciously stepped a few inches backwards before turning to look at the person with the familiar way of talking. I almost stumbled on my feet.

"Hi!" Byun Baekhyun greets me with a sweet smile on his lips, creating a firework show within me.

Just like the first time, the soft sunlight of late morning shone on his face, making him look so bright, just by standing right before my very eyes.

Why does he always have to look this... God-sent?

Goddamn it.

After that day, our first encounter two weeks ago, I always did my best to not have me seen by him again. There were few almosts, but luckily, fate was on my side — at least, for that matter.

I admit, he really is a flower boy. He has a very beautiful face, and seeing it every day is such, sort of, a blessing. Frankly. That is why when he's not around, I notice.

I always notice him, truth be told. I noticed that he is already getting lots of friends. Noticed that he always looked so rosy, so vivacious. That he is shining very well in each step he took forward. I notice it all.

Though I don't really like it, it's better this way. Avoiding. Noticing. Not saying anything. I don't want him dealing with someone like me.

The last thing I'd wish to happen is to have him notice me, too... When I am not around, at the minimum.

Like that would ever happen. Even at the end of the world, I know it'll never be granted. Park Chanyeol, really? What the hell are you thinking? You're such a joke.

"Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun snapped me from my abrupt gush of whim. I almost forgot he's in front of me.

Wait. Did he just call my name?

While I am trying to look straight in his eyes, I can't. My eyes are faltering quick staring longer at his dark ones, that is why it shifted continuously from black orbs to anything but him. Thankfully, I have fringe, slightly covering my eyes, letting me breathe a little, at least.

"I found out your name two weeks ago! From your classmates..." he answers the question in the back of my head, grinning sheepishly. He must've learned why I felt conscious.

I said nothing, blinking every now and then, looking down too much.

"Uh," he paused to clear his throat. I came to catch a mole on his thumb. Unique. His hands looks so soft, too... "Do you want to grab lunch with me?"

I looked up at him in surprise, only to tear it away again. "W-What?" I asked, the hands on my side awkward and sweaty. Did I hear him right?

He's got lots of friends who are in the same level as him... Why would he want to have lunch with me?

"That's the first word you actually spoke to me!" he remarked in amusement, then... Am I hearing a music or a short cackle? "Wow, huh, Park Chanyeol. Such a reserved cutie."

I did not hear the last two words but I did not give it much heed than the fact that he even has to notice it's my first time giving a word to him. That's just... my thing.

"Do you want to eat lunch with me, I asked," he repeated himself, looking like a blooming rose for smiling a lot.

Why is he scaring my existence so much?

Decline. Decline. Decline or I am gonna faint right now.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go," I answered too fast it almost sounded like I was rapping. Not waiting for his response, I hurried past by him.

"Watch out! Y-You're going to bump into the wall!"

I heard him saying. Stopping on my tracks right before I hit myself against the tall, white wall, I turned about and paced past by him again, not throwing him a look. I'll just eat my packed lunch behind the arts and design building.

It's not long before I figure out I don't have my cap worn anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

I MAY HAVE HAD A HUGE HOLE IN MY IDENTITY, for I have been losing pieces of myself little by little since years ago. In spite of that, there are still few facts about myself I definitely recognize. Just one of those is that, I don't like trying too hard.

Trying to that extent only causes major failure, and of course, major disappointment, I came to comprehend by experience. Reason why I stopped seeking hardly for ages.

Dispatching sleeplessness isn't saved from that fact. If I can't find myself falling asleep, I let it be. Giving my system the full freedom to stay wide-awake, and my mind to wander to limitless whereabouts.

With my left forearm pressed against my forehead, I stared at the glow in the dark stars stuck on my ceiling, (over) thinking about everything I could (over) think of, until the glow gradually fades, indicating that the sun is already up.

The streak of light slipped through my curtains and hit my swollen eyes, making me scrunch my face in the burning sensation.

Getting up from the bed early in the morning during the weekends isn't actually my thing, but I somehow noticed myself doing it for the past few weeks already. I pushed my weary physique off the bed to switch into a sitting position, wincing at the process because of the ache that shot my back and lower limbs. When I am successfully sat, I only glared emptily at the space before me.

How worse could this day get for me?

I can't fucking wait.

When I went downstairs, I found out Father is not yet home. I heaved a sigh. I figured we ran out of coffee so I decided to buy one at the convenience mart down the street. Before leaving, I slipped into my black hoodie and of course worn my face mask and — I haven't had my cap back. I clicked my tongue and laid my bangs fully on top of my forehead. I better get one later.

Walking down the street this early makes me feel bit comfortable. The neighbourhood is silent, and the streets are almost empty. Just kids playing at the sidewalk and few vehicles passing by.

I reached the convenience mart and bought what I intended to get. When I received my change and receipt, I immediately left the mart. I am slightly swaying my paper bag back and forth as I walked, not daring to lift my gaze even though I go on my foot leisurely.

"Someone! Help!"

I alertly halted on my tracks, craning my head to straighten my gaze and tried to find where the voice was coming from.

"This is a Meow Meow emergency!"

My head snapped towards the direction of a huge, branchy tree which had grown at the subdivision's dead-end garden.

"Someone! Help! This is a Meow Meow emergency! Please!"

After getting my hunch confirmed, I ran as fast as I can heading to the said garden. When the tree shaded me fully, I looked up and saw... Baekhyun. Again.

He is cautiously sitting on a thick branch a little too high from the ground with legs on either sides, and is squishing a white, furry thing between his arms.

A kitten.

With his wide eyes staring back at mine and lips slightly parted, he seemed surprised to see me, too. But unlike me, he's quick to get over it and flashes that signature smile of his again that showcases his crescent-eye charm complementing his adorable, baby face very well.

Shadows of leaves are falling over his face, but how could he still look so radiant like that? Am I going crazy now?

"Hey!"

I was startled when he suddenly yelled so loud, accidentally tossing my paper bag somewhere. His voice is so powerful it could give me a heart attack. I held my palms over my chest, soothing my fast and loud heartbeat by pressing lightly against it and whispering to myself for awhile, "It's okay, calm down... It's okay..."

"I'm sorry if I startled you!" yelled Baekhyun once again, but now softer. I lifted my void gaze up back at him, palms still pressing gently on my chest, I saw him frowning, looking so guilty about yelling at me when there's nothing to be guilty for. There's nothing to be even sorry for. It's just me, for pete's sake. "I really am!"

I just nodded silently, standing like another tree in the garden, rooted and unmoving on my spot, waiting for his instructions to come.

He doesn't seem contented with my answer though. He is still frowning when he explained to me that he got up there because the kitten is "meowing" for help, and when he went up to save the furball, he does not know how to get down anymore. "Well... I didn't think I'll have to get down after getting up," he laughs sans humor. I can see he is all embarrassed.

"Will you catch the kitten for me?" he requested and I reluctantly bobbed my head. Kittens.... Cats.... I am allergic to cats.

He must have noticed my hesitance, so he inquired again, "Are you sure?"

Couldn't find myself turning down his request, I quickly nodded twice.

Worry is clearly evident on his face and looks just as cagey as I am but tosses the noisy kitten to me anyways. I was quick to catch the furball, and as soon as I had it in my arms, I promptly put the kitten down the grass. Letting the fluffy thing walk and run around the garden with occassional, high-pitched, "Meows".

Where the hell is this kitten's mother? She's so neglectful.

I turned back to Baekhyun who's still seated uncomfortably at the branch. His hands are running here and there, not knowing what to hold onto, eyebrows are pulled down together and is biting his lower lip. His stares shuffled from me to another, as if considering a thought.

Sighing, I held out my arms, stretching it to as much as I can. When he met my eyes, he timidly smiles. I just nodded my head once, gesturing her to just jump at the moment.

"I-I'm heavier than I look..." he admits, his cheeks turning pink.

I just blinked at him, arms still stretched, not backing off.

"You might get hurt!"

I didn't move a bit.

"You're so stubborn..." he huffed. "C-Catch me well then, all right?"

I nodded.

"D-Don't let my bones break, Yeol!"

Yeol. He gave me a nickname. The thought made me gulp.

I nodded. Again.

"A-All right..." he says quietly. After a couple of seconds, he starts to mindfully stand on his spot, using the rough skin of the tree as a weapon, hooking his fingers over it as he uprights on his feet. I watched him with full attention.

When he is successfully plumb, he meekly smiles and told me, "Catch me."

I did not answer but made sure I am standing firmly with my attentive eyes on her.

He started counting down. I took a deep breath.

"1!"

I saw how he closed his eyes and jumped... like a fucking flying squirrel. My eyes widened. I am about to get injured. That's for sure.

Nonetheless of my prediction, I waited for his impact on me. When his body landed in mine, I fell backwards, and we rolled over twice until he's on top of me. My back cried in pain, but I remained silent as I look upon Baekhyun's face.

His face is much closer now, and I can clearly see how smooth and flawless his face is. Maybe it feels nice to touch. He also smells nice... Like a baby powder. It suits his features very well...

I snapped out of my reverie at the sound of his giggles. It's pleasing on its own, almost better than any music.

I inwardly gasped at my own thoughts. What the hell? This is silly. I am being silly. Shut the fuck up, self.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked lowly through my face mask.

He tried to say something but his laughter failed him. I started to feel uncomfortable. He keeps laughing while still on top of me. Of course his stomach is going to do that thing...

I am caught off-guard when he suddenly slapped himself. That's when he stopped laughing. "I'm sorry... That's just... Really fun to me," he apologizes before his face turned serious... then pink.

And somehow, I felt my cheeks warming up as well. I could hear my own, loud heartbeat pick up as my gaze lowered on his velvety, moist lips that is slightly parted. I wonder if he could hear it.

Baekhyun immediately pushed himself up and briefly dusted off his pastel pink tee shirt. He offered his hand for me to take but I acted like I did not see it, standing on my own. As I fixed my fringe, I looked around to find my paper bag. It is nowhere to be found.

My body stiffed when Baekhyun suddenly drapes an arm over my nape. He is short so I adjusted and caved in a little for him.

"Look!" he pointed behind an empty pot, where another white furball, now bigger, can be spotted beside a smaller one. "He found his mommy!" he excitedly broadcasted to me, even jumping on his heels.

I subtly looked beside me and he is grinning from ear to ear. His eye-smile prominent.

Then he whipped his head towards me.

"For your reward, let's get some coffee. My treat," he suggested.

I tried to lean away but his shockingly strong arm at the back of my neck only pulled me closer and tighter. He narrowed his eyes at me, suspicious. "You're going to reject me again, aren't you?" He lifted his index finger, wagging it in front of my face. "Na-uh," he says, shaking his head. "I won't let you get away from me this time."

Left with no escape, I let him drag me to the nearest coffee shop.

And the nearest was the priciest. With high, brick walls and grandeur chandelier at the center. I smelt the rich aroma of quality coffee reeking all over the place.

"Y-You can just treat me one at the coffee vendo..." I told him after checking the prices at the menu. He just shook his head at me. His arm is still on my nape. "How would you like your coffee?"

"Donut blend," I replied and he immediately ordered two. After getting our coffees, we decided to sit on the comfortable American diner bench at the back of the café.

Facing each other, it is as awkward as I imagined it to be. Well, for me. Baekhyun looked calm and cozy, that is, until he took a sip on his cup.

His face scrunched in disgust.

I just watched him as I silently stirred my coffee.

When his eyes landed on mine, his face softened. Clearing his throat, he takes his cup once again and sipped. His lips thinned as he swallowed. For a second, I saw his face contorted.

"Hmm, bitter," he remarked, a tiny grin playing on his lips. I could see he is trying so hard not to pull a face.

Placing the long handled stirring spoon over my cup of coffee, I sighed.

"I like it."

Baekhyun looked up at me. "H-Huh?"

"I like my coffee bitter," I stated as a matter of fact.

He blinked a couple of times before a coy smile starts to crawl up his lips. "Ah, really? Then why aren't you taking a sip on yours yet?"

I did not respond. I don't know how to.

I just don't want to take my face mask off in front of him.

"Yeol? Do you really like your coffee bitter?" he teased, and I am not liking it. "Do you really? Do you? Do you—"

"I do," I cut in, slightly annoyed. "I like my coffee bitter. I like it that way because I want to learn something."

He cocked his head to the side. "Something?" he questioned.

"That in this bitter coffee, there lies sweetness. You just have to search for that sweetness all the way."

"That in this bitterness, there lies happiness..." and my words fell off.

What am I doing talking this deep to him? What the hell am I thinking? I'll just appear pitiful to him.

Swallowing the lump on my throat, I felt my fist clenching under the table.

"I'm sorry for that. I have to leave," I said, standing up. "Thanks for the coffee."

When I turned about to head towards the café door, I only remembered the look on his face. It's not blank, but it's neither readable.

I know. I am hard to understand. No one does, and no one will.

I'm so sorry, Baekhyun.

It must be clear to him now and perhaps this is going be the last... which I hope is not. Shaking my head, I brushed off my thoughts and marooned the coffee shop.

Making my way out the parking lot, my large, heavy steps came to an abrupt cease when I heard a tiny voice calling my name.

"Chanyeol!"

Looking over my shoulders, I saw Baekhyun running towards me holding two coffee cups, wearing the same smile no one else can beat in any way.

The wind suddenly blew and his light brown fringe is pushed back. Revealing his face fully as he ran towards him.

Turning around completely wasn't exactly my mind's decision, but my body's. He's... He is breathtaking it's hard to ignore.

Finally reaching my spot, he hands me the other coffee cup while panting. "Y-You got to finish it... I c-can't by my own," he says, heavily breathing in between words, still keeping up with that smile. I took the coffee cup with uncertainty and was about to leave when he lightly held on my arm. What is wrong with him? I threw him my questioning eyes.

"I understand. And I will wait," he mumbled with that soothing curve on his lips, and before I could even ask what he meant with what he said, his back is already facing me, running while yelling, "See you!"

Alone, I took off my face mask and opened the lid of the coffee cup. I accidentally rubbed my nose with my fingers and — "A-Achoo!"

Ugh. Cats.


End file.
